Forgetting...Reminiscence

人们说时间是一个万灵药，因为它能治愈所有的伤痕。但我觉得这完全是荒谬的，因为时间唯一能做的是用新的伤痕掩盖旧的伤痕。旧伤总是在那儿，恶毒的徘徊在角落里等待被挖出来，折磨伤者那早已被撕裂的灵魂。

People say that time is a panacea, for it can heal all wounds. But I think it is nonsensical, because the only thing that time can do is cover up old wounds with new ones. The old ones always remain there, maliciously lurking in the corner and waiting for the most opportune chance to be dug up, to torment the already lacerated souls of the wretched ones."

--collaboration with Goatwest

曾几何时，我对爱已不再眷恋。。。

昨天读到泰戈尔的一首自由体诗“爱无止境” (“Unending Love”)，心中感触颇深。泰戈尔笔下的那种爱可能是大多数人所向往的吧。然后有多少个人又能够感受到这种所谓“无尽的爱”呢？

对大多数人来说，相爱几年之后，最初的款款情深，柔情爱意，誓言承诺都会慢慢消逝。那让人感觉至久恒远的爱，看来也只是诗人笔下歌者嘴中的常人所可望不可及的虚幻之物。

爱无止境 --- 泰戈尔


我好像曾经爱过你无数次，无数种方式...
年复年，今生复来生，永恒的。
我痴迷的心正再次为你打造那串美妙音韵的项链。
那是送你的礼物，可以随意挂在你的脖子上。
年复年，今生复来生，永恒的。
当我听著那熟悉的爱情故事，那是岁月的伤口，
那是关於分离或相遇的古老传说。
当我再次凝望著过去时，在最后定能发现你，
北极星那明亮的衣裳，正照耀在时空的暗房。
你已永远变成记忆深处的形像。
你与我漂浮在河流之上，正因为我们都来自相同的源泉。
听听时间在诉说著各样爱的故事。
我们曾经与万千恋人们擦肩而过，
分享著初相遇时羞涩的甜蜜，再见时不舍的泪花 --
但是爱情总会再次复活，永恒复活。
今天又堆积在你脚下，那已不能再给你任何感觉了，
所有人的爱情都已成为过去与永恒：
宇宙的欢乐，悲伤，与生命，
所有爱情的回忆将会结合为一体-
还有每一个诗人们的歌谣也已成为过去与永恒。

Unending Love 

           I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
           In life after life, in age after age forever.
           My spell-bound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs
           That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms 

           In life after life, in age after age forever. 

           Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it’s age-old pain,
           It’s ancient tale of being apart or together,
           As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge
           Clad in the light of a pole-star piercing the darkness of time: 

           You become an image of what is remembered forever. 

           You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount
           At the heart of time love of one for another.
           We have played alongside millions of lovers, shared in the same
           Shy sweetness of meeting, the same distressful tears of farewell -
           Old love, but in shapes that renew and renew forever. 

           Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you,
           The love of all man's days both past and forever:
           Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life,
           The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
           And the songs of everypoet both past and forever. 

           Rabindranath Tagore  

顾问型理想主义者在语言和思想上很抽象。他们在为了达到他们的目的上是很能和人合作的。他们很注意他们在人与人之间关系上的角色。INFJ注重人的潜能，并以道德价值作为行为准则的出发点。INFJ想对他人幸福做贡献的欲望超乎想象的强烈。他们真诚的享受帮助他们的朋友的过程。虽然INFJ一般来说是比较敏感并且独处的人，而且一般来说不是让人看得到领导者，他们却非常热情的，安静的对他们的家人，朋友，以及同事产生影响。这种类型的人格有着巨大的深度。他们的自身是复杂的，并且能够理解处理复杂的问题和人。

INFJ一般来说很难被人了解。他们有着非同寻常的内心世界。但是他们是内敛的,而且他们不于自己不信任的人分享个人的想法和感情。和他们所爱的人，INFJ能自如的表达他们的感受。因为他们的很强的能够感受他人情感的能力，INFJ会经常很容易的被他们周围的人伤害，这可能就是为什么他们一般来说是独处不喜分享自己感受的人--把自己从人与人的互动中抽离开。同时，于INFJ熟识多年的朋友常常会被突然涌现的不同人格侧面而惊讶。这并不因为INFJ是不一致不协调的。他们重视个人的完整性，但是尤其他们人格的个方面是复杂的交织的，这有事甚至使他们自己感到惊讶。

INFJ是真正的内向者。他们只能在感情上于少数的的人--老友，家人，等--有着亲密无间的关系。 INFJ有时会突然拒绝与人来往，有事甚至把他们最亲密的伙伴拒之于千里之外。这表面的矛盾其实是他们的逃脱的方式，给予他们时间去减少他们情感上的负担。

INFJ对朋友有选择性，但是他们的友情通常是一种共生的关系，比超越了单纯的语言的交流。他们渴望有意义的关系，对他们的朋友在精神上很亲密。 在这样的关系种，他们争取平等相对性，并不想妥协他们的理想。

通常，对INFJ来说，他们更容易在纸上进行自我表达，所以他们一般有着非常强的写作能力。另外，他们也有着非常强的个人魅力。他们通常适合在“给人灵感”的职业工作，比如高等教育以及宗教的领导。

“The Counselor Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in reaching their goals, and enterprising and attentive in their interpersonal roles. Counselors focus on human potentials, think in terms of ethical values, and come easily to decisions. The small number of this type (little more than 2 percent) is regrettable, since Counselors have an unusually strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others and genuinely enjoy helping their companions. Although Counsleors tend to be private, sensitive people, and are not generally visible leaders, they nevertheless work quite intensely with those close to them, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes with their families, friends, and colleagues. This type has great depth of personality; they are themselves complicated, and can understand and deal with complex issues and people.

Counselors can be hard to get to know. They have an unusually rich inner life, but they are reserved and tend not to share their reactions except with those they trust. With their loved ones, certainly, Counselors are not reluctant to express their feelings, their face lighting up with the positive emotions, but darkening like a thunderhead with the negative. Indeed, because of their strong ability to take into themselves the feelings of others, Counselors can be hurt rather easily by those around them, which, perhaps, is one reason why they tend to be private people, mutely withdrawing from human contact. At the same time, friends who have known a Counselor for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that they are inconsistent; Counselors value their integrity a great deal, but they have intricately woven, mysterious personalities which sometimes puzzle even them. An INFJ is selective about their friends, but such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words... They hunger for deep and meaningful relationships, provide spiritual intimacy for their mates. In such relationships, they strive for mutuality, don't believe in compromising their ideals.

Usually self-expression comes more easily to INFJs on paper, as they tend to have strong writing skills. Since in addition they often possess a strong personal charisma, INFJs are generally well-suited to the "inspirational" professions such as teaching (especially in higher education) and religious leadership.

            I still remember the afternoon when I saw her outside that second hand bookstore that I used to go to very often. It was my first time seeing her. She was sitting in front of the shop window on a rusted bench that had ceased to function as it had been intended for many years. And admittedly, despite all the little things about her that might have attracted my attention, at first sight, I was, however, struck by her very occupation of the bench whose vacancy I naturally took for granted. It was then did I notice the gigantic cigar she was smoking and that in any respect did not match the delicateness of her figure and her clothes. I passed by her on my way of entering the bookstore, and before I had the chance to step inside, she said with utter coolness, “I see no reason to return that book in your hand.” I wasn’t sure at that moment who she was talking to. Yet, after glancing around, seeing no one else’s presence but ours, and well realizing that I had in my hand a book whose destiny was to depart from mine in a few minutes, I confirmed with myself that the words were directed towards me. “Excuse me? Were you talking to me?” I asked in an inquisitive manner as I turned around and looked at her. She turned her head, staring at me through the thick smoke that surrounded her and gave her an aura of mysticism. The gaze from her ice blue eyes met with mine. “Yes, I was. That’s a great book. Give it one more chance.”

 

            A week later, I found myself in the warm bed of her apartment located three blocks away from the bookstore where our first encounter had taken place. Lying next to me on my left, she was still in sound sleep. I was woken up by the warm caress of the gentle morning sunlight that somehow found its way between the curtains and the French windows. I had never been a promiscuous man like many others. They could frequent women’s beds after only brief encounters, and to them, those women they once slept with and those beds they once lied in were only evidence of the triumphs of their uncommitted romantic or sex lives and bore little sentimental value. But this time, could I claim that there was some sort of sentimental value attached to our supposed romance? Was I not like many members of my gender who could easily find comfort in the bed of a woman who they only knew for a few days?  I did not know for sure, for maybe no one was supposed to articulate his romantic present or past with sureness.

            She was half awake and uttered my name languidly. In her utterance, I could sense some uncertainty and maybe a bit of anxiety as if she wanted to reassure herself that my presence was not confined to the few hours at last night and I had not left in silence without her knowledge after a good night of sex like some other men might have done to her, surrendering her to the solitude of a half empty king size bed and leaving her with the crimpled bed sheet that she knew some man had once shared with her.  I looked at her smilingly and ran my fingers through her silky black hair that I had not been able to observe clearly in the nebulosity of the other day’s cigar smoke. She drew herself closer to me as if to feel my presence. I could sense her rhythmed breath, the warmth of which soaked into my skin and touched me deeply.

The corporeal union of two beings surely had meanings beyond the simple satisfaction of sexual desires. Maybe our evolutionary history made sex—a direct consequence of our reproductive tendency—the inevitable underpinning of our yearning for uniting with another being.  To a certain extent, the fundamental purpose of romantic attraction and union was reproduction, and sex could legitimately be regarded as the only thing that truly mattered. Yet it was not sex itself but the embrace, the kiss, the feeling of each other’s warmth among other things preceding or following sex that made lasting romance an ontological possibility. If a corporeal union involved only sex, the end of a climax would denote the time for departure and the end of an ephemeral romance.

The idea of romance is one of the most abstruse in nature; however, it is often taken for granted that romantic attraction between two beings and their intense yearning and passion for each other, is natural, so natural that it lacks certain epistemological intricacy and, therefore, is explanatorily unnecessary.

Yet among those who are madly in love, how many can articulate their feelings towards their romantic targets? Can they by any chance explicate why out of all potential recipients of their passion they choose the ones that their affection is directed towards? Is it that woman’s gentle smile that really attracts this man who then falls in love with her? Is it the embrace of that man’s strong arms together with the warmth exuded from his body that makes this woman feel infinitely secured and therefore desire to unite eternally with him? Or is it really the entirety of a person that really matters? Nevertheless, the truth remains that the one in love rarely bothers to ponder the raison d’etre of his or her romance. Then, people, who take pride in their capacity to think rationally, seldom think about their passion in a rational manner. It is therefore seemingly reasonable for us to assume that romantic separation between two beings is, like romantic attraction, equally natural and needs not be thought through. But after all the agony they have experienced, do estranged lovers not think about and rationalize their past romance?